I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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