we're chasing vodka with high fives
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
