3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
