Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
third nipple confirmed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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