Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
