So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
