They should really pass out barf bags in church
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
