it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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