I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
