One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
