I got chris browned last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
