and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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