so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
