ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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