I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
