if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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