Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
