What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
