just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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