I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize