I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
True but thats because hes a fetus.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
