Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
