Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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