I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
