he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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