she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm having to shit out rocks
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