You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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