community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
