I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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