i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Randomize
