high people should be assigned attendants
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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