He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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