I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
