you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
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Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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