he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
