Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
