I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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