Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
