im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
