ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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