Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
