I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
