i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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