Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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