This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
