Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
