dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
try to milk me bitch
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