so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
