Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
