im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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