I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
