I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
