South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
high people should be assigned attendants
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
