Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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