Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
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i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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