That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
