Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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