Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
