Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
