NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
