so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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