I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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