he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
