That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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