remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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